It is January 10th, 2022. I am 37 years old, and I just realized my life is just now fully beginning.
Now don’t get me wrong, I have been living a great life. I have been happily married for 14 years and have 4 wonderful children. I am mid-upper management in my career. A career that I almost messed up because of a certain liquid. I have lived in multiple states to include Hawaii and Alaska. The weird thing is, I didn’t take advantage of these opportunities and don’t even remember a lot of these experiences because of my addiction.
On this day, I have been a week sober. I have been an alcoholic for about 20 years now, with the last few years becoming worse and worse, as addiction typically builds upon itself. My entire life revolved around alcohol. My Family is number 1 in my life, with my career being number 2. Alcohol never had a number in my life, but it sure stood in the forefront of my thoughts for many years. I remember living in Virginia about 11 years ago drinking beer on a Sunday watching football and telling myself that this is my last day drinking. Yeah right.
A couple weeks ago, I wondered to myself if quitting drinking should be my New Year’s Resolution. What a cliché, right? A noble resolution for someone who is serious. I had the same New Year’s Resolution last year. 2021, I was sober until the Super Bowl in February. I thought to myself, its only American to drink beers the day of the Super Bowl while relaxing and watching the big game. Well, vodka joined the party, and I ended up getting fucked up, falling asleep before the game. This led into a 10-month drinking binge.
Quitting drinking really can’t be a New Year’s Resolution for me this year. New Years was on a Saturday. How am I, as an alcoholic, going to convince myself to stop drinking after New Years Eve being on a Friday, with a 100% chance I would wake up still drunk. Of course I’m going to keep that buzz going.
Looking back, I think my last drink was a little after midnight on the 2nd going into the 3rd, early that Monday. Well, I haven’t drank since when I passed out early Monday, and woke up at around 1pm Monday afternoon, feeling like shit, depressed, miserable, not wanting to do anything. Quitting drinking cannot be my New Year’s Resolution this year because I literally drank the first seconds into the New Year.
After I woke up on the 3rd at 1pm, that Monday, is when I decided to put the bottle down. The first 2 days of not drinking, as well as not eating a lot while being depressed, were a little rough. But slowly, after each new day, I felt better and better. I was already becoming more productive by the 3rd and 4th day. I was spending more genuine time with my Wife and Kids, helping around the house, driving to places other than my work because I was sober. I actually cooked dinner last night.
This time trying to quit just feels different. I haven’t really had cravings. I think I finally actually want to quit drinking. I mean, the guilt I feel that my Kids are growing up with an alcoholic father hurts my heart. It has for a long time. I am not in denial about being an alcoholic. I started resorting to shutting myself in my room so at least my Kids wouldn’t see all the bottles and cans. But they knew, and I knew they didn’t like it. That damn alcohol demon had control over me, and I felt like there was nothing I could do about it.
This time, I really feel like I am done with it. And it feels good being sober. Its fun. I ran 8 miles today. I have a lot of lost time to make up, and I realize that. But it is so worth it. I have to try not to dwell on my alcoholic past. I am ready for a sober future, 1 day at a time. Ill let you know how it goes. The Super Bowl is right around the corner.
Joe Sal
functionaljoesal@gmail.com